November 3, 2005 at 12:38 am | Posted in Murmuring | Leave a comment

Finally, I asked leave today and went to see a doctor.

Various checks and examinations were taken. Still no result. The doctor asked to take the B Ultrosonic check, as she told me “I’m sorry, I can’t tell the problem simply with my eyes.” Ok, go to the casher to pay and then take the checks. After several times of going up and down and down and up….. I was really fed up.

Finally go to the B Ultronic department and they asked me to come tomorrow. What’s going on? The bookings are full for today so I have to come again tomorrow……Sign…I decide to give it up.

I pay lots of money but get nothing in return. I’m sick of the hospital, the doctor, the check-in, the cashier, and the most important, myself.

I went back home, still not knowing what happened to my health. Around an hour later, received a call from Mother. We quarrelled. She compainted why so many problems I had. She complainted why I didn’t treasure my health and let those things happened.

What can I say? I know I was wrong but so what? Can I turn things back to before so that I could stop those things from happening? Or I should remember those terrible experience in my mind, for this life?

Sigh……But besides sigh, what else I can do?

I’m gonna back home tomorrow. Take a full set of checks and see the doctor again. Mother is worried about me. I know that.

Sigh….But except that I can’t forgive myself, what else I can do?

Apart from my mother, my family, who else would really cares me? Helping me out from this exhausting illness? Giving me everything including strength to overcome the disease?

Seems no one else even give me simply a call, a greeting or a hug.

Sigh……But after sigh, I still need to stand up on my own.

I am great. I can be great.


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