To ??

December 23, 2005 at 1:17 pm | Posted in Murmuring | 6 Comments

我真的很好~

手术?是个?手术. 腹腔镜那?.

现在还在家休?.

至于这里, ?有在我?开心的时候或有感触的时候?会?这里留下几?.

其实我?愿你???看, 毕竟这里所储存的都是负能?, 看了??而?开心.

对于我?说, 能?天在MSN上看到你就已?很开心了. 生活?过是这么平凡, ?天都会有起?. 安好已足矣.

幸?生活

December 19, 2005 at 12:19 am | Posted in Murmuring | 2 Comments

在家休?满满一个星期了.

?饭, ?觉, ?歌, 看动画. ?用?心?什么, 有没有钱用, 也?用烦心工作, 与人相处, 还?用?家务, ??生. 我足足胖了一圈……

最爽的就是跟?妈?出去?饭, 逛街, 买东西还?用自己给钱. 看上喜欢的?妈?一手包办. 更更爽的是, ?接一次客就有三百?, 探病的人几天内络绎??, 一笔?之太易的?外之财. 更更更爽的是, 几百年打麻将都没赢过的我, 竟然打两?钱的SB麻将我都?以赢两百. 忽然?现一切都好莫??奇妙. 所以莫??奇妙得跟好朋??架, 消沉了两天, 现在还?知?应该如何收拾.

肥Jim说想我了. 还担心我在家?太久会闷. 但是我?毫?觉得. ?能实在太期望有一段比较长的?这样有妈妈养的日?. ?以在家人的庇护下, 什么都?想, 专心?个孩?. ?需?告诉自己??强, ?需?勉强自己?对自己?想?对的事情.

跟妈妈在一起就?两个大?孩, ?西?, ?奶茶咖啡, 逛商场. 出门开?车, 想去哪里就去哪里. 逛起街?连饭也?回家?, 跟?爸说一声就完事了. 对于我?说, 简直就是天堂的生活. 这样的日?我想一辈?过下去. 永远就?个孩?, 永远有人疼.

离家独立许久??会明白这?日?的幸?. 父?年纪大了, 总想女儿在身边. ?亲一直说?我留在家里, 接替她现在的工作, 而且?爸就是??的?大, ?谓之?风得风, ?雨得雨.

但我?想这么快让自己”死于安?”. 太舒适的生活会让人没有斗志. 我?给予我父?更好的. 所以我必须?继续?苦, 必须让自己继续努力. 父?一辈?奋斗都?过想为女儿留些什么. 我知?父?有些许积蓄, 下?辈?的生活基本?用?, 还?以说得上是很潇洒的. 留给我的东西也?断在积累. 越是看?一切, 越是感觉压力.

所以现在的生活是我?心??惜?的. 我知?终有曲终人散的一天. 心里祈祷的?过是那一天晚点, ?晚点到?. ?使缩短20年的寿命我也愿?.

手术?的我基本上??过?了. 天天进补的结果就是满脸的痘痘. 裤?也开始?窄了. 最起?还有一个星期休?. 我现在还打算?过完元旦?回去. 毕竟幸??是想抓就能抓?的.

终于明白但愿人长久的??. 生活的?义对于凡人?说?过于此.

好冷咧

December 17, 2005 at 1:40 pm | Posted in Murmuring | 2 Comments

昨晚?夜在?翻译校对的时候就一直打哆嗦. 怎么忽然?得这么冷. 看看Firefox里的温度显示, ?有5℃.

一早醒?, 天刚亮, 窗外?有鬼哭狼嚎. 翻了个身, 闪过唯一的念头, “为什么?在冷得这么??怖的清晨醒??”, 继续努力入?.

?次醒?, 太阳晒到盖?脚丫?的被?上. ?然那么的冷, 冷得我一点也?想动. ?是??地躺?, 阻止?脑细胞的?转.

?就是那几个字嘛~为什么一直都放?下? 清醒的时候是这样, 连?梦?醒间也这样.

??? 生气? ?是. 失望, 伤心, 倒是有点. ??惧?得更多. 因为?了解, 所以想了解. 但是我知?这是没有用的. 了解清楚与?了解清楚对结果?会有任何影?.

?想那么多的为什么?如看看我应该?些什么. 但其实我什么都?想?, 什么都?想说, 什么都?想想, ?是??地躺?, 阻止一切脑细胞的活动.

其实接?与?接?对结果也没有任何影?, 因为从那??的出现开始, 一切都已?注定了.

在乎从?就?是?所当然. 能?, 就能走.

好冷咧, 好大的风. 从玻璃窗的?隙里挤进?, 无声无?地带走一些, ?留下一些. 但是除了寒, 还有什么?

我从?就?是智者. 智者的?明在于一时的难得糊涂. 而我?在于难得的一时清醒.

无论窗?关得有多么的紧密, 那也是自己的认为而已, ?隙一直都存在, 风是怎么都能?进?的, 那?是你能控制的, 如果??自己?骗自己, 那就顺其自然?!

嗯~Dreamland真的很好?!

Dreamland

December 16, 2005 at 10:39 pm | Posted in Murmuring | Leave a comment

酷冷的心底?过的唯一一?平和的暖。。。。。

梦界, ?如其??,梦的世界。想?到中国的原创音?竟然?以如此出色。

在深夜的零点, 奇迹般地震撼?我, 犹如那?平淡?刺眼的?。

天平两端载???与北?, 看似平衡, ?有?根本的?北之分。

還有就是,?天是你最後一次掛我電話,沒有下次的了。

December 15, 2005 at 11:56 pm | Posted in Murmuring | Leave a comment

Naruto

December 15, 2005 at 12:24 am | Posted in Murmuring | 1 Comment

实在想写中文了。。。Anyway, 没关系了, 除了我, No one here。

这个星期??修养的借?, 没天没夜地褒Naruto。 Domy说那是?孩看的?通。无论是逃?也好, 休?也好, 能?一个星期的?孩?也好, 我看得实在很过瘾。 10分钟?抱?肚?狂笑, 扯动伤?了也止??; 10分钟?倒眼泪鼻涕一起?, 到处找纸巾。

看了Naruto??现时间的确是一个??怖的怪物。 许多?人的??儿时已?懂了, ?被时间磨得所剩无几。人大了,学会的??有逃?, 埋怨, ??惧,放纵,无信。。。。。。

看?现在的自己, 似乎一切疑问都是如此的没有必?。 跌倒了就没有勇气?站起?了。 自怨自怜曾?是自己憎?也相信?会?的傻事?竟然?生了。 Ba Ga?

人是为了自己??惜的,所爱的人活?。 忽然醒悟过?的我也其实一直也就是为了自己??惜并所爱?的人而活?。我会用我的生命??护他们, 这是我唯一的使命。我?信这是到我死也?会改?的事情。 为了赋予我生命的这两个人, 我会自信, 努力, ?强地活?。

这 个夜里, ?然开朗的眼??闪过一?痛。 矛盾的天平两边竟然载?伤心与开心。 伤心的是我?现?使在乎也?会?争?。 我相信在这一方?我是彻底失去信心,勇气与信任了。开心的是我竟然?到了失去信心, 勇气与信任。 因为我紧?的心?会??到伤害。 而最?, 天平竟然???了开心这一边。

若这两个?若生命的人终有一天?离我而去, 我也会结?自己而?行。 ?若这两个?若生命的人?使背?我, 也?然无怨无悔, ?因那滴血之亲。我?誓这将是我生命的全部。

值得兴庆的是, 我一直是个说到?到的人。

Life Journey

December 10, 2005 at 11:18 pm | Posted in Murmuring | Leave a comment

A week long stay in the hospital. The first experience of the small formal operation. I don’t see anything worth of mentioning as it’s not a piece of good experience. Anyway, I am here, safe and sound.

One thing should be recorded down is the spirit of cheering up. I have encouraged myself all the way – everthing will be fine in the end and it will take a certain period of time. Just slow down and conquer it.

Friends are around me. Greetings came in continuously. There I stand, with a big smile on my face.

I learned to depend on myself. I don’t like others to take care of me, even my family. I did the best I can for all trivial things, daily necessities and routine jobs. I did it perfectly, with the initiatives.

I’m changing from the very deep inside. A good beginning.

If

December 2, 2005 at 12:54 am | Posted in Murmuring | Leave a comment

Finally, I’m back here where my life starts and goes on – home.

On the not-so-long bus journey back home, I repeatedly listened to the song – If.

“If a man could be two places at one time, I’ll be with you.

Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.

If the world should stop revolving, spinning slowly down to die.

I’ll spend the end with you and when the world is through.

Then one by one, the stars would all go out.

Then you and I would simply fly away.

If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can’t I paint you?

The words will never show, the one I’ve come to know.

If a face can launch a thousand ships, then where am I to go?

There’s no one home but you. You are all that left me to.

And when my love for life is running dry, you come and pour yourself on me.”

Unconciously, smile crawls onto my face……I don’t know why. I may be touched by the moving lyrics.

I’m convincing myself the fairy tale will come true while on the other hand I’m not willing to place any hope on it.

Going to the hospital tomorrow.

Who is standing beside me? Or who will come and pour on me as my love for life does be running dry?

If

November 25, 2005 at 10:16 am | Posted in Murmuring | 1 Comment

It was really bad last night.

I figured out the email for Jim. But I simply took it for granted that I reply to Jim as the email was forwarded by him. So, it was finally sent out to the interviewer/job offerer. Though it was signed as Jim at the bottom of the email, it was sent via my email account.

Jesus…… I really can’t forgive myself. My careless mistake may fail this job application.

What if….If there is what if, it will definitely another story.

Wish

November 23, 2005 at 11:18 pm | Posted in Murmuring | 1 Comment

I suddenly thought of that I haven’t made the birthday wish.

It maybe a little bit late. But I still want to make the wish.

Gods, pls take my life ASAP.

I mean it. Please be quick.

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